Dating someone who is separated but not divorced
You could be jumping to judgment too quickly and passing up someone who you really could have connected with. Remember, there is a big difference between dating a person who is RECENTLY separated, (meaning it just happened 2 months ago and their soon-to-be ex just moved out last week), and a person who has been separated and living apart from his or her ex for two years.
We went to counseling for many months prior to the separation and it didn’t work.The ex wife and the guy broke up, and now the guy is trying to get back together with my friend’s boyfriend! I also have a friend who was married to a guy for six years. A year ago, the two got back together and are now just dating but madly in love again and will probably get married again. Trust your gut, be honest with yourself, and be honest with the person. You will know which category the person falls into: he or she is ready to move on or they aren’t.And that could be someone who has been separated for a year or 10 years.That’s the risky part of making yourself vulnerable, even though you know, full well, that 99% of relationships that get started don’t end up at the altar. Or go out of your way to find a woman who is recently separated or divorced, just like you. Just be totally upfront about where you are emotionally, and let her decide.Sounds to me, Pat, like you’re a decent man who might not even be fully aware of what your needs are. I’ve had terrible experiences dating a separated man who wasn’t ready to date — but it wasn’t his fault (entirely).Believe me, I can tell you innumerable stories of women who dated married, separated, and recently divorced men who were either legally or emotionally unavailable.
And because of the dead-end of getting involved with such a man, these women issue the blanket decree: “I will NEVER date that kind of man again.” This is a classic example of how the stereotype may be perfectly valid, but you can’t judge EVERY single person by the stereotype. Absolutely – especially if she just kicked you out of the house two weeks ago for cheating, you’re living on your friend’s couch, and you hope to reconcile.
Then again, with the housing market and job market the way they have been, there are so many couples who can’t afford two places, so even though the relationship is clearly over, they stay in the same house and lead separate lives. This is the worst reason NOT to date someone who isn’t officially divorced yet. Because ANY COUPLE can get back together at any time.
Having a piece of paper that says you are divorced doesn’t prevent a reconciliation.
This is where I’d have to recommend NOT dating someone who isn’t divorced yet.
If the couple is still in the same house, I think I’d have a problem with that. The fear that the since the couple isn’t officially divorced, they might end up getting back together.
Even certain people who get remarried still act this way!