Little sex in dating relationships
Menopause or childbirth can cause a woman to lose her libido, but it isn’t necessarily so.
What if over time the mystery and lust just naturally go away? The longer I'm with someone and the more I get to know them, the less sexually attracted I become.Urge the partner to come into counseling or go alone.There may be a possible course of action s/he did not think of. She or he can accept the situation and enjoy what satisfaction the relationship does provide. The unhappy one can force the issue by issuing an ultimatum.If one person in a couple has his or her erotic affections entirely focused elsewhere then some hard decisions have to be made. More couples than most people would imagine live happy lives with no sex between them or with sex outside the committed relationship.However, if one person is unhappy with the situation of “no sex between us” the other person has only the following options: 1.I always ask what reasons they give themselves or their mate for their refusal.
What follows are a few I have heard more than once. “I’m just not interested in sex any more.” Man or woman, I ask first about hormonal issues.
There are two opposing schools of thoughts about this situation.
One is that a person can learn to love the partner again by focusing on what is loveable about him or her, what originally turned them on, or what might be changed that might reawaken love and desire.
The other school of thought is that “when you’re hot you’re hot and when you’re not you’re not” and nothing can change that.
As a therapist I am of the opinion that one might learn to love and desire a long term partner in some way and it’s certainly worth a try, especially when there are children in the relationship. “We’re too old for sex” or “I can’t have intercourse any longer.” Mistaken beliefs such as an age cut off for sexual activity or that sex depends on erections and naturally lubricated vaginas eliminates much joy from an individual’s life. Some event like illness or a new baby will interrupt the couple’s normal sexual schedule, supposedly temporarily, but sexual relations just don’t resume.
There comes a time to make that decision and choose.